Felicia

[00:00:00] Nicole: Welcome to today's podcast, season two of The Power of MoMMAs Voices, and today I'm joined by Felicia Watts. And thank you for joining us for starters today before we even get going and questions, but just appreciate your time and your bravery for coming on and, and talking about your own experiences.

[00:00:19] Felicia: Thank you for having me. Thank you. 

[00:00:22] Nicole: All right. Well I've got my fan of blowing 'cause it's. When I'm recording this, I'm in Texas and it's August, so yeah. I'm just gonna be real. It's hot. I'm hot. Okay. I'm recording hot here. Yes, yes. Mm-hmm. It is when we get started on these things, like, I like to think of what it is.

[00:00:41] Nicole: If someone were to only listen to the first five minutes of this podcast Okay. And listen to the whole thing, just the first five minutes, what is something you want them to take away and hear from you today? 

[00:00:49] Felicia: Oh yes, definitely. I would say black mothers, their stories matter, and I'm not excluding any other, I'm just saying like, we need more spaces where black women, black [00:01:00] mothers are sharing their stories and be brave and you're not alone.

[00:01:03] Felicia: That's, that's why I would take away, that's why I'm here. 

[00:01:07] Nicole: Awesome. Excellent. I just got back a few weeks ago from Black Maternal Mental Health Summit in Houston, which was also hot. Mm-hmm. But it was fantastic and it's always a wonderful event. It's our third year that we've gone to it and just really, really enjoy getting to talk to people.

[00:01:22] Felicia: I need to go, I need to figure that out. Make it happen. You do. Okay. 

[00:01:27] Nicole: It is excellent. So going through, like, we'll talk about your pregnancy journey mm-hmm. But talking about like your advocacy journey first. 

[00:01:37] Felicia: Okay. 

[00:01:37] Nicole: Where, where have you gone? Like, what's that journey look like for you to get here today?

[00:01:43] Felicia: Okay, thank you for asking that. You know, and today is August 11th. I know this is gonna be season two, but it is also hip hop's birthday and I am an avid lover of hip hop. Right. So I used to make this joke. I lived in, I'm, I'm in Chicago, this is my hometown, and I moved from Chicago to [00:02:00] Maryland to New York on my job.

[00:02:01] Felicia: So I used to tell people when I introduced myself, my name is Felicia and I was mostly proud of being a mom. So I'm a mom of three, but I always say I'm a hip hop mom because I have my babies every 10 years, like they drop a album. So that was like always my running joke. So that just shows you. How far I'll come and when I say every 10 years, I'm saying that I, my first mother story came at age 21 and then the, the latest one, the recent one was at 41.

[00:02:27] Felicia: So that was 10 years ago. And and I, I'm must say that throughout that time it has been a learning process and it was like kind of things like I didn't know why they was supposed to know type of thing. Like especially at 21. I didn't know, like for instance, at 21 I was just crawling to, to 21. I was pregnant at 20.

[00:02:46] Felicia: But I was afraid of the stigma of being pregnant at an early age because in my community that was always kinda frowned upon. It's like, oh, you mess up your life, girl, now you a statistic. You know, that type of thing. So I was like, oh my gosh. So let me make sure I [00:03:00] make it to 21. Oh great. I had the baby at in June and I just turned 21 in March.

[00:03:04] Felicia: You know, it was kinda like that thing. So I'm running with. The stigma of being a young mom, and actually it wasn't just me playing in my mind, it was being projected onto me. So that was that one piece. And not knowing like when I was going, going through labor and to go to the hospital because my, my, you know, the water bag leaked, it was leaking, but I said, oh, I, I'm supposed to go to the hospital now 'cause it's only leaking.

[00:03:29] Felicia: They said when it breaks, you know, like. I'm, I'm like, okay, let me stay home for two days because it's only leaking and I need to wait till it breaks. So it was like those things, like my 21-year-old mind. And so from that period and then going to the next chapter of my life as a mom, now I'm 30, and now I'm pat myself on the back because now I'm considered like, oh, now I, I have a job, I have a career.

[00:03:52] Felicia: I went to college, so now I can say that I'm having a baby. Right. But then at that moment, at 30, you consider, [00:04:00] oh, advanced paternal age. So now I'm like, ah, I gotta now wait. First of all, they ask you why you waiting so long and then you, you're 30 years old type of thing. So now I'm in this stigma of like all the information being projected on me again.

[00:04:12] Felicia: And, and, and. And trying to share my story. And then I was hospitalized for a week when I was pregnant with my, my second child. I had hypertension and I worked in the prison system. So I worked in the prison. And so it was emotionally stressful and I'm at home. It's stressful. And so I'm like, how, how harboring this, this experience for my unborn child who will now be, she'll be 21, I mean 22 tomorrow.

[00:04:36] Felicia: So that was 22 years ago, like that. And then, so now I'm moving, okay, now I'm going over here. Okay, so I know a little bit now, know, know a lot more now. Now I'm 41, so imagine that 41, I moved to New York and everybody's like, oh, she should gonna New York because she's so brave. But now I have a, I'm pregnant.

[00:04:54] Felicia: Why did she get pregnant? So now it's questionable, like, oh, you, I, I know you're grown. But how'd you, why [00:05:00] you wait so late to get pregnant? So now you older, now you older. So I had to hide from people, like, don't tell anybody. Like, let me gotta tell 'em because they gonna shame me. You know? So it was kinda like going through these this arc of always kinda like trying to prove like I was worthy to be a parent and also learning and trying to parent myself.

[00:05:17] Felicia: So that's kind of how the journey went. Like, so I'm saying, 'cause I know it's hip hop birthday and I'm like, I can't, I, I focus on the last one 'cause I had sincere she was born premature. I never experienced that, but I also focus on, every child reflected something different. But the most important message from all three births was like information not having information and not having the, the emotional support.

[00:05:41] Felicia: And not just saying even just healthcare providers, like people around you each phase it was lacking emotional support. So that's kind of had sum up if I, if it makes sense. 

[00:05:52] Nicole: Yeah, I I think, like I have a 10-year-old daughter and I've said on the previous podcast, I've [00:06:00] recorded like I think of her and.

[00:06:04] Nicole: 10 years. Mm-hmm. She could be having a baby, she could be having a baby sooner than that, right? 

[00:06:09] Felicia: Yes. 

[00:06:10] Nicole: What has changed from when she was born in care and treatment to when she could possibly, like has, has enough changed and I don't feel like it has, and so I'm like, what can we do in the next. 8, 10, 12. I tell her she can't have, can't get married until she's 40.

[00:06:26] Nicole: But you know, like 

[00:06:28] Felicia: what's gonna change? Yeah. 

[00:06:31] Nicole: Yeah. I'm like, oh wait, no. I tell her she can't get married until she's 30. She can't get a phone until she's 40. She gets very mad about that math. Mom, mom math is what I call it. But you know, it's 

[00:06:39] Felicia: like what's gonna change? Yes. Yes. How can we 

[00:06:44] Nicole: change? Change?

[00:06:45] Nicole: Has enough changed in between those 10 year pregnancies? 

[00:06:48] Felicia: Yeah. 

[00:06:48] Nicole: To, aside from just like you feeling like I'm still not, I'm still getting judged. 

[00:06:54] Felicia: Yes. 

[00:06:55] Nicole: Y'all tell me when you, it's a good age to have a baby. 

[00:06:58] Felicia: Yes. [00:07:00] Yes. And you know what? You kind of overcompensate. Like when I had my my middle, my, the one who's 22, when I was 30, I was so proud to be able to be beat to odds because, you know, like I said, they say, you know, oh, you done mess up your life.

[00:07:14] Felicia: So now I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna show you. So with my first child, I went away to college. I took her to college with me like. You know, we went, we stay on the housing dorm and family housing together. That's how important I wanted to show proof, like, count me out, I'm gonna prove you wrong. That's the type of thing I had.

[00:07:27] Felicia: Mm-hmm. And so when I had this, the middle child, I kind of overcompensate 'cause I wanted the the fairytale pregnancy wheel. Like I used to play with baby Dows and, and Barbie, you know, had Ken and everything. And I was like, oh, I'm, I'm supposed to have these feelings. So I start eating a lot. Because I felt like, oh, that's what pregnant women do.

[00:07:44] Felicia: They eat a lot. You know, there's not just not not paying attention to my body or what I really wanted, but just like, oh, let me overindulge because, oh man, 'cause I'm pregnant and I deserve this. And everybody supposed to be eye knew on me. And it didn't happen that way at all. At all. I end up like said, having hypertension and [00:08:00] stressful environment stay in the hospital for a week.

[00:08:02] Felicia: And it was like the only one time that somebody like kinda like. Smack me out is when my provider, her name was Dr. Christina Bonner. I still remember her name at all pregnancies. I remember this one, doctor's name and she went to Georgetown. I remember that. And she told me, because I was a little bit stubborn about, I didn't take it seriously, how serious it was about my health and delivery.

[00:08:22] Felicia: And she said she like forced me to. You better come or you gonna die. She just basically said that, oh, you gonna die? Like she was trying to schedule me to have a C-section and I was like, oh no, I'm not. No. She's like, if you don't do it, you're gonna die. That's what she told me. And I was like, oh, wait a minute, this is real.

[00:08:38] Felicia: So that's the only time that something stood out to me like, wait a minute. This is not just me playing the mom, you know, playing fairytale. It's like this is real, a real deal. But no one's told me that, you know, I'm just kind of surrounded and, and I kind of got support, but not the emotional support that I needed.

[00:08:53] Felicia: So I feel like the con, the continuation of conversation about maternal health and the birth [00:09:00] stories has, we need more in those spaces. It can't be like, oh. She told her story and, and that's it. We, we cover that basis. No, we need to keep pouring those stories in. So now, like you said, when your baby is 10 years 20 years from now, or 10 years from now, that it is like, she has more, more padding to land on like, oh, we, I heard these stories and, and this is what happened here.

[00:09:20] Felicia: So I think it is like the stories, it is like the shame. It is like a thing of shame and pride and also it's like a trust, like I don't trust. To tell my story 'cause you aren't gonna listen to it or you gonna judge me. So it's kind of like one of those things. Yes. 

[00:09:36] Nicole: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Wow. So like thinking back.

[00:09:43] Nicole: I am interested in like your first pregnancy. You were in college and, and not just like pregnancy, but also postpartum raising, you know, a little one while going to school. Oh, correction. First 

[00:09:53] Felicia: one. I, I wasn't, oh, yeah, well I, she was, I was, when she, when I was pregnant, I wasn't in college. It was after having her, [00:10:00] I decided to take that route.

[00:10:01] Felicia: 'cause I wanted to defeat the odds. Like, no, I am not a statistic. That type of thing. Yeah. 

[00:10:07] Nicole: Mm-hmm. Okay. Gotcha. Mm-hmm. So what, what kind of like. Support did you get while you were in school with, with a child? Because that's very, that's a, that's a lot to take on. 

[00:10:21] Felicia: Yes, yes. Well, I'm gonna tell you this. So I was raised by my grandmother.

[00:10:26] Felicia: My mother also had me at the same age that I had my daughter. And so my, when I was come coming school, my grandmother just, you know, embraced. That's what grandmother, the mothers did. We, in our community, we just embraced and helped raise the kids. So my mother, she worked at the post office while I, I ended, lived with my grandmother.

[00:10:43] Felicia: Even my mother moved out the house. I stayed with my grandmother my whole life. Right? So that was the, the push, right? And, so I'm used to my grandmother helping, like my aunt also have, we had live extended family home, so we all, all of us were in the grandma's house. So this time. I wanted to [00:11:00] make it different where I'm not depending on grandma 'cause my grandma's tired now.

[00:11:04] Felicia: You know, she gonna raise help, raise other kids. I just wanna give her, I just wanna like, like, stop that, you know, let me be there. And then having that not have my mother around all the time. I didn't want that for my child. Like I knew what it felt like to not. Like really be there with your mom. But grandma is my mom.

[00:11:20] Felicia: She's my mom. So I wanted my daughter with me at all, all costs. And I remember when I was in college the good thing about the college is that I did my research. I was very resourceful if I really wanted somebody going for it. So I chose this school Illinois State. It's not far, it wasn't far from home.

[00:11:36] Felicia: It was like an hour and a half away from Chicago. And so I was like, okay, so if anything happened I could just get back home quickly or get to up to Chicago. Okay. So then they also had family housing and that was another check. I was like, okay, family housing right there. I can go to school and stay there.

[00:11:51] Felicia: And then the other thing was they had, they focused on education. They had a teacher's program, so they had daycare on site. So the daycare was like [00:12:00] my support. That was my support. And it, it was times where if I wasn't, my daughter wasn't feeling well, that I would have to leave it in the dorm room.

[00:12:07] Felicia: Like, don't, don't touch anything. You know, that type of it was like, you know, that's how we had to survive. Right. I didn't have like other parents around at that time until a little bit later on. So I remember my aunt suggested, she said, why don't you, let her stay with grandma. Like, you know, like, here we go again.

[00:12:24] Felicia: You want me to, okay, now I can, I can focus on school, but I gotta let my daughter go back to Chicago and grandma. And I was like, no, we are not doing that again. Like my mother did that, I'm not doing that again. So my support was basically the school campus having daycare and every now and then come home weekly and then I start finding.

[00:12:41] Felicia: Finding like maybe classmates that were, they wasn't even traditional classmates. They were older and they became my family type of thing away from home. So that was the support right there. Just having like going outside of the family environment and just kind of reaching for, but I had to like look for it.

[00:12:57] Felicia: It wasn't like offered to me. I had to look for it. Otherwise [00:13:00] I would've been counting out. And I remember when I finally graduated my daughter was in kindergarten and we came back to Chicago and I remember my neighbor said that, like, they were so proud of me 'cause I had a house. Now I didn't, I I, I mean, I really level up in that moment, right?

[00:13:13] Felicia: And it was like, oh, you came from nothing. And look at you now. I'm like, I didn't come from nothing. Like my, my grandmother raised me. I did come from love. I just had a baby. Like, it was like, imagine that, like you have a baby a little bit younger, and now you, you, you, you, you came from nothing. Like, you know, so I, that was my reason why I had to prove myself, like in the support.

[00:13:32] Felicia: Like, like, okay, you don't wanna help me, I'm gonna help myself. And I had to. Wow. I'm like, wow, she did that. You know? So that was kind of like the support. My grandma was always there, but she was aging and I didn't wanna put that burden on her again. So I had to figure it out. Yes. If 

[00:13:48] Nicole: I'm, I love that your school offered those things and that, like it's not something I would think about like looking for.

[00:13:56] Nicole: Mm-hmm. And, and working like with different schools around in the area too. [00:14:00] Like, it's just not, it makes, now I'm like, now I'm interested. Like what do they offer? Do they offer anything like that? Because you want more people to get their education. Like how are the barriers being removed, how can you help make it more accessible and, and those kind of things.

[00:14:16] Nicole: So me and I love that, that they were really able to support you to getting, you know, your degree and getting through school with their daughter and, and not, and being able to, to do what you wanted to do. That vision of like, I'm doing this for us. 

[00:14:29] Felicia: Yes. You know? Yes. It was good. 

[00:14:32] Nicole: I love that. So it was Illinois State?

[00:14:34] Felicia: Yes. And you know what, when I looked, I, I tried to follow up with it later on to see if they still had the family housing program and they said that they, they didn't, I, I was so sad. Like, do you know how many, 'cause it was other moms like me, black women was, it was single moms and they was there and they, they, so, I don't know.

[00:14:51] Felicia: One lady she went on to, she has a PhD, her daughter now that I watched. Story, but she's a baby, is a a college graduate. Like it's my daughter's a college [00:15:00] graduate. It was like they saw that I just wanted to, I always wanted the college experience, like away from college. And I was like, oh man, so now I can't do this because I have a baby.

[00:15:08] Felicia: And I was like, oh, wait a minute. Where the school have family? I don't even know where it came from, the idea. Like, I would, I didn't think of that either. And I just started looking. But it's not very not, it's not a lot. It's not a lot on campus. They should consider that for most colleges. 

[00:15:22] Nicole: Yes, absolutely.

[00:15:23] Nicole: Mm-hmm. Oh man. That's fantastic. So then, like your second and third pregnancy mm-hmm. Were, you know, different different place in your life. 

[00:15:34] Felicia: Yes. 

[00:15:34] Nicole: At that point in time. 

[00:15:36] Felicia: Mm-hmm. 

[00:15:36] Nicole: How did support change for you in those two pregnancies as well? Like what helped? 

[00:15:43] Felicia: Okay. The, the, the second pregnancy well. I, you know, how you was talking about how things haven't changed?

[00:15:49] Felicia: I feel like it hasn't changed as much because now I'm not in college, I'm at, now I'm in my home, my foundation. So, and I live in the suburbs and my family lives in the city. [00:16:00] And the only thing I could say that stands out is that maternity leave, after I gave birth, it was only three months. And then I think you have a c-section is a little bit longer, whatever that was.

[00:16:11] Felicia: But I didn't have a childcare. And my grandmother who I told you I was trying to avoid putting burden on her it was funny 'cause I was looking for childcare in her neighborhood. 'cause even though I'm giving, I'm pregnant, I'm still, I had to tap in with the family. I have friends that were, that, that were around, like when I went to the hospital for the week, I was hospitalized. I had a friend come visit. Like those things mattered to me 'cause I had, 'cause I still have my firstborn. So they helped with the firstborn 'cause they don't talk about that enough. Like, okay, I'm in the hospital with this baby, but what about the other child at home?

[00:16:42] Felicia: So that's the always point that I like, who's gonna watch that child? So they supported me with my other, my firstborn. But again, after going through that again. I had to fall back on grandma to watch this second baby. It, it, it worked out. I didn't really ask her this time. I was like, looking for [00:17:00] childcare.

[00:17:00] Felicia: I, no. And no one seemed to fit the bill and grandma, my grandma said she had just ca overcame having a radical mastectomy and she had just retired. She had to retire 'cause of breast cancer. Right. And I was like, I cannot let my grandmother wash this baby. And she just get overcame breast cancer, right?

[00:17:16] Felicia: And I'm sitting in her room like, oh man, I can't find a 'cause the one babysit I was looking for around the corner from Grandma house, I went to her house. She had a whole whole bar set up. Like, I'm like, it was funny 'cause it wasn't, it wasn't that, 'cause she had a bar set up. It was like, I think she party all the time.

[00:17:30] Felicia: So I'm like maybe I'll, I'll wait. So I'm telling grandma about that. She was like, I'll keep her. I was like, you will. And it was like so much weight lifted. Because I'm thinking my grandma, she's 77, 78, and now she has a little baby. But the, my daughter was kind of like a blessing to my, like it helped my grandmother recover and heal and everything.

[00:17:50] Felicia: So the support was like having people show up for me. For my, for my youngest, my firstborn. And, and when I was in the hospital, I went through some stuff. Matter of [00:18:00] fact, when I gave birth, I was at Northwestern Hospital. No, I was at the second, yeah. Northwestern Hospital. And everybody was in the room.

[00:18:07] Felicia: Everybody, it was, it was, it was a vulnerable moment. Everybody, all my friends was in the room with. That was very supportive, like to me, like I didn't, it didn't matter if I couldn't really talk to 'em or not, but they was there. So I do remember that in that moment. 'cause I was, it was a kinda like a, a little bit of a difficult delivery I was trying to deliver first and then it, I couldn't do it.

[00:18:28] Felicia: It was like, no, let's just know have a c-section. So that support stood out throughout the whole time, having community and sisterhood. Yeah. Was like, did your 

[00:18:38] Nicole: first one get recruited for the third one? 

[00:18:40] Felicia: Oh my goodness, yes. So the first one she was like, okay. So I was again, a single mom. The first one was very helpful with my second daughter.

[00:18:52] Felicia: And I know they also the firstborn, 'cause I was the firstborn, so I know I, I helped with my sister. You understand it. Right. So I understand. I didn't wanna like [00:19:00] put that burden on her, but I need the help. So she was a big part of support of raising my se, helping my second daughter. Right. Especially with like childcare or getting Right.

[00:19:10] Felicia: It was, it was just a lot. Right. And then when I had my third, my third child, my firstborn was. On her own. She was, she had went to school and she was in another state and now the middle child is like kind of taking a role. But this time I'm very mindful not to put too much on her 'cause I, because of the firstborn, I said, no, I'm not gonna do too much of that.

[00:19:30] Felicia: This one was kind hard this last child because I lived in New York and I had no family in New York. So going through this pregnancy felt very lonely. Very lonely. I tried to find a doula because I knew now, now I'm more educated about childbirth and. What I need and support, and it's hard to find support.

[00:19:50] Felicia: First of all, it's hard to ask for support. Like most of the time you don't know what to ask of your, even your family. Like my mom was in Chicago, I'm in New York. I, 'cause I just [00:20:00] picked it up the phone and said, mom, I really, really, really need you here. I'm, I feel lonely. I need some support. I need that.

[00:20:06] Felicia: But it wasn't that. It was like, oh, my mom has. Work to do, and she has my sister. And, you know, I didn't wanna invite, bother anyone, so it was kind of like a learn a lonely journey in New York having this child, especially when she was born in nicu, like premature, and it's like I was in the hos I was in the hospital for an entire month before delivery.

[00:20:26] Felicia: So that was like, so now I have the middle child. It's, she's coming to visit me. She's 11 years old on the bus in New York, coming to visit me in the hospital by herself. You know, it was like, it was like a very, it was a stressful time. That was the most stressful time as far as support. Like, and I'm like, now imagine you, I'm already developing, you know, I'm, I've been in mother twice.

[00:20:48] Felicia: I have education. I worked a long time and I'm at this point now where I'm starting over, like without the support. Like, that was 20 years ago from 21 to 41. The, it hasn't changed. Like [00:21:00] what did I, I'm, I'm educated. I'm, I think I'm a good person that have the, the support, like, what's going on here. So that, that's how I feel.

[00:21:07] Felicia: Like you mentioned, said like the. It. It hasn't changed yet. We still have a lot to go. We have a long way to go. That's why like MoMMAs Voices, stories like the collective. It's like, okay, being part of the collective, but then you also have to tell your own personal story even if it counts like a little.

[00:21:23] Felicia: When you ready, if it hurts a little bit, because this is not something I want to talk about, like opening to everyone, but I know it's necessary. I know it's necessary. Yes. 

[00:21:36] Nicole: It is, yeah. I'm just hopeful that things will really start to change or really start to see progress. I can see progress being made in certain areas, like, hospitals and states and systems like wanting to listen to patients. And even in the seven years, almost since MoMMAs Voices has been around, it's really changed where it became like, oh no, no, no. Like that's too risky to [00:22:00] like to being calling us just immediately like, Hey, we know y'all are coming. Right, right.

[00:22:05] Nicole: You know, just assuming we're gonna be there. Mm-hmm. And so that part, I see how things have been changing and progressing. It takes time, but. I wonder with like, standards of care and how patients are treated, I'm really hoping that we start making some differences there because like talking about like trauma informed care, it's become this, it is, it's reminding me of what like, working with patients was six years ago.

[00:22:27] Nicole: Mm-hmm. Okay. Everybody knew they needed to do it, but they were terrified of doing it. Yes. They were scared. Scared out of their pants to do it, afraid they were gonna retraumatize people and do it the wrong way and. I think it's the same thing with trauma-informed care. And now we're getting to the point where like, it's not optional.

[00:22:45] Nicole: You have to start paying attention to how people are being treated. And so how, and, and the system doesn't help with that at all. The system is designed and created for volume and pushing patients through so they can make the [00:23:00] money and get the numbers that they need. And in the meantime, the experience and what happens to the patients along the way.

[00:23:07] Nicole: Is hit and miss. 

[00:23:08] Felicia: Hit and miss. Yes, exactly. And you right, it's like we, we lost, especially now social media now and AI, all kind of stuff. Like where is the emotional intelligence? Like we have so many educated. These people are who providers who've gone to school for a long time and then some, not all of them, but sometimes they're missing the, just the emotional e iq, like, like the compassion.

[00:23:32] Felicia: It's not, it don't, it doesn't require like studies. It doesn't require, it's like, how would you feel if it were you, how would you feel if it was your mom or if it was your daughter, if it was your auntie or whatever. How would you feel? That's all we asking, like especially as a black woman. Like if I am.

[00:23:48] Felicia: Getting dramatic, you know, what am I saying? Like why, why am I dramatic? Because that's the worry. It's like a gaslight on society puts on black women when you try to speak up now you feel like, [00:24:00] oh, don't speak up too much because you could be passionate, but they don't see as passionate. They projected as something like you angry.

[00:24:07] Felicia: You are angry black woman. So it's like, can I have a little space to like be vulnerable? And so now I don't trust to say anything. So now you you, you're doing a good job. Now you're muting me. 'cause I'm, I'm, I don't wanna tell my story. I don't wanna share. I don't want to. I'll come sit, visit 'em to get it done.

[00:24:23] Felicia: Don't ask me how I'm doing. But it would've been nice if a, if a provider would actually ask you. How are you doing? What's going on with you? What's like, I, I went to a retreat and the, one of the questions this lady asked me, she said, what's present for you right now? And I couldn't believe she asked me that 'cause I was stumbled.

[00:24:39] Felicia: I'm like, wow, what's present? Nobody's really asked me what's present for me right now. Oh man, I got so much going on. What's present for me? And it would be nice, like, I know that we cannot, they, like you said, have time, they have to get the numbers up. But like if they take a moment and pause and say what is present for you right now?

[00:24:56] Felicia: You know what? I know we here for the baby, but the [00:25:00] baby you are, the baby is part of you. It's your environment. You bring the baby to the world. So, you know what I lost my job. I'm about to get evicted. I, I don't have the resources to get to the, to this doctor's appointment, whatever it is, like just really genuine asking and being compassionate about that.

[00:25:14] Felicia: That's what I would like to see more of that. Especially for black women especially. Mm-hmm. 

[00:25:22] Nicole: I'd say we're, we're passionate people sometimes, you know, we just get a little loud. Yes. We're pa we're passionate people. Okay. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's tough. I'm like, I'm not yelling at you, I'm just, I'm, I'm on the soapbox and I really have deep feelings about something.

[00:25:35] Felicia: Yeah. Especially when survival's at risk, like say you in the movie. Somebody is chasing you. Run girl, run, you gonna hear, run, run. So it's kinda like, okay, I'm going to ring the alarm right now. 'cause this is a survival thing. I'm growing a a, I'm growing something special, and I, I need some help. So I'm raising the flag of like, help me type of thing.

[00:25:56] Felicia: So it's kinda like, like we wanna be heard, like, I like that what MoMMAs voice is [00:26:00] doing. It's like it's dropping, it's helping us to drop seeds. Plant the seeds, and so when your baby grows up, it's like we, it's harvesting well, I might not see, you know, it's something like we just keep planting and keep planting the seeds and telling stories and sharing our voice.

[00:26:16] Felicia: I, that's why I really think like we need more of this. More of this. Mm-hmm. I have a sister. She has a story to tell and she's not comfortable to tell her story because of she feels like some stigma or shame and I'm like, wow, that's unfortunate because I know somebody would like to hear your story and it, for her to share it, it takes a lot outta her.

[00:26:36] Felicia: And, and she done it one time and I don't think she's gonna revisit for a long time. So it's kind of like making people feel comfortable. Like we, I'm not crazy. This is what's going on. And please hear me. So when we start allowing more platforms, like MoMMAs Voices to plant, help us plant, 'cause that's what MoMMAs Voices does.

[00:26:53] Felicia: It's like an architect. They're like the architects of stories, birth stories. So it's like, oh, you got, okay, you have birth circle gonna help. We're [00:27:00] gonna go to the drawing board. We're gonna build and we're gonna have a blueprint here. Take your blueprint and you know, build something out there with it and, and help people so they can live in these stores and they can, and now we have safer births, you know, now we have more compassionate providers type of thing.

[00:27:16] Felicia: Yeah, 

[00:27:17] Nicole: I love that. I talk a lot about like planting seeds. Mm-hmm. And how, you know, saying earlier, like it takes, I see some progress in areas, it's because we've planted seeds and we've watered them and we planted seeds. Like we keep showing up into the places. They keep seeing our face, they keep seeing our name.

[00:27:30] Nicole: I was surprised this summer when I went somewhere and like I heard MoMMAs Voices and I'm like, what rock have you been living under? Because I am at all these meetings. So you know, it's like, come here, come here. Let's educate you. Yes. And so how can we continue to do so with the people lived experience that we represent and then also the clinical teams in the states that are working on those projects?

[00:27:52] Nicole: Like we just keep showing up and keep doing the good work. Yes. And they're seeing. The value of it, and they're seeing [00:28:00] how it's making an impact, so I love that encouragement. 

[00:28:03] Felicia: Yes. 

[00:28:03] Nicole: If you were to say, if there's a moment, if you can think of one, if there was one. Okay. Where you felt particularly seen or heard, what, what makes that like stand out to you?

[00:28:14] Felicia: Well, the, the only one, the one time with the provider, Dr. Bonner. That I feel like she saw me. I didn't even see myself. And then fortunately at the birth, during like meeting. Platforms like MoMMAs Voices and, and you know, once you have a baby and you go through that trauma, you like, okay, I got through that.

[00:28:33] Felicia: I okay this onto the next thing. And just, I didn't even know that I was supposed to share or I need to tell, I know, I know people go through things too, but I'm like, MoMMAs voice kind of pointed out like, okay, here's how. Let's help you tell your story. We can't tell it for you. Let's help you tell your story.

[00:28:51] Felicia: And that's the only time I really felt seen. I'm not even going after all that. After from 21 41. And then now here I am [00:29:00] telling the story about the past births I had. You know, because I was like, I was given like confidence, you know, I think that's nothing. They gave you confidence to tell your story and I'm like, but we all have something special.

[00:29:12] Felicia: Especially if you gave birth. I know we got, we have stories like, oh, you with the same thing? Oh, you what? The same. And that's the only time, one of the most important times that I felt. Seeing her because when I started learning to tell stories through MoMMAs Voices, I had the opportunity to speak to providers.

[00:29:30] Felicia: I'm like, oh man, this is the one, like this is gonna change the world. You know? I didn't even create a maternal wishlist. So like, you know, from my experience, like what should we should have for like, what, which doctors would consider providers? So that is the time that stands out to me right now where I felt seen and heard.

[00:29:48] Felicia: And that was just recently last year. So I'm mostly, I really, I'm thankful for that. That's, that's why I'm here now, so I know it'll keep so it can keep going. 

[00:29:57] Nicole: That's awesome. Mm-hmm. I [00:30:00] That's great to hear. 'cause you know, we, sometimes we, we train these people up and it's like the little baby chicks, you know, the love better, the nest, and it's like, let them fly.

[00:30:09] Nicole: So, yeah. Yeah. We were, we would talk about that recently about like, teaching them to fish Right. Instead of doing the fishing for you. And so mm-hmm. We know what that looks like. Mm-hmm. As well. So I, I love to hear that. It's fantastic that you found your voice through this and it made you feel really heard.

[00:30:26] Nicole: Yes. Some of the projects we've, we've worked with you on and, and probably I, I'm assuming, because my experience has been when we go and speak somewhere, and then people, other people that are in the audience, they start contacting you and they want you to come and do it, and then it just kind of grows. We were like, have this ripple effect.

[00:30:43] Nicole: They didn't even realize sometimes 

[00:30:45] Felicia: that is. So when I did this, presentation or so told my story, it was on online, it was part of a continued education thing for the provider. So I was glad of that. So I used to work in, in the healthcare field and one of the things that [00:31:00] stood out to me is that one of the, the people that were there was part of the organization I used to be part of.

[00:31:05] Felicia: I'm, I retired from. And they wanted to hear more of my story and they asked for, they 'cause I forgot. I got an email, said, oh, they wanted to see your, your wishlist or the, or the, well, the slide that you was on. I said really? Because it was funny 'cause at the time when I was working throughout my career, I didn't feel heard because we were, we were advocates for the underserved population.

[00:31:27] Felicia: Now imagine you are an advocate for the underserved population, but you are also part of the underserved population. But you gotta put. The unserved population first, and then you just like, oh, sweep my stuff. 'cause I, I, this is my job, and then now I'm on the other side being heard. So that was like a, a full circle moment for me to, to see that like, okay, maybe this will help someone else.

[00:31:48] Felicia: You know, 'cause I went through, I went through it the whole time. I was working, like, as a parent, I was like, oh, wow. Like they, they don't understand like, but we, we work with these people, like we do this, but, oh, but I'm different. 'cause [00:32:00] I, I'm, I'm here and I, and I, I probably, I'm good. I'm, I'm, I'm solidified.

[00:32:05] Felicia: I don't have to worry about, you know, the traumas and stuff. But I'm going through the trauma, showing up to work. I'm going through the heavy heavy anemia. 'cause after my last child, she had, she was more premature. And then she had, she was anemic, and then they was like, oh, mom, you know, take care of her.

[00:32:20] Felicia: Give her the stuff. So I take, give her the stuff of her anemia, bring her back. Good job mom. She's great. But they didn't tell me that I was chronic anemia, so I'm going to work and I'm wondering what's wrong with me, but I'm like, okay, I, I did my job for my baby, but you didn't tell me that I was chronic anemia.

[00:32:38] Felicia: I, later on, I'm getting five, like a trans blood, a blood transfusion I never had in my life, like. This, what was wrong? I thought it was just, I'm getting older. I mean, no, I'm really chronic anemia, and you didn't express that to me. You just focus on the baby and not the mom and the baby, and you didn't follow, you know, so those type of things.

[00:32:55] Felicia: But I'm at work. I might miss days off because I'm, something's wrong and I don't [00:33:00] know what's wrong. I'm like, oh, I'm just a hair heavy bleeder. Oh, I'm just, you know, and I'm like, I'm going through, I'm going through it. And not to mention that I, I wasn't even told I was, I couldn't, I, to this day, I'm trying to understand like.

[00:33:12] Felicia: Why wasn't I told, even when I had my when she was premature, I found out that I had a history of high fibroids and the fibroid had ruptured the membrane, which is why I went into premature labor. I didn't find that out until after the baby was, after we went through everything this after the fact.

[00:33:27] Felicia: I'm like, why did they tell me that? Like. Then maybe I would've been like, maybe do light duty or be mindful, like, don't do too much. You know, I, it was like I didn't know these things and I think that could have maybe prevented it, I thinking because I was always on the go, you know pregnant. So those type, that information still stays with me.

[00:33:45] Felicia: Like, okay, I'm glad the baby's good, but like to the moms too, like follow up with the moms. Like really follow up. Like see the moms. See the moms. So. Yeah, it was, it's definitely, what was the question again? What's present for you right now? What's present for me right now? [00:34:00] Because that was great. Yeah, that was a great question.

[00:34:02] Felicia: What's present for you right now? What's present for you right now? Exactly. That was a, I love to Anita. She was one of the, I I had to you talking about support. So you, you kinda like find, support platform. So like MoMMAs Voices is a great support system for me. Great. 'cause I'm able to like, it's like a, it's like almost like therapy.

[00:34:22] Felicia: Mental therapy, like to share this because you know, you have an audience on social media, but all the audience is not, they don't care. Everybody's not a parent. They don't care about that stuff. So this is like unique group that focuses on was very important to moms like us. So, and then, so I found this other retreat I was going to a, a group was called God Is Wisdom Council.

[00:34:42] Felicia: Then I found another group of women and I'm like, wait a minute. 'cause these women are sharing motherhood stories. And I'm like, oh my God. It is like, it was like. The, a lot of us are living in like sleep and pain and these women look beautiful and they successful and all this stuff going. I'm like, oh my God, [00:35:00] you too.

[00:35:00] Felicia: So that's what I, I learned like to ask that question among, 'cause it's like what you, it's like, you know, you think you see somebody, oh, she looks cute. Oh, she's, oh, I know she ain't got no problems and I'm in a circle with this woman and they all have their little underlying things they're dealing with.

[00:35:15] Felicia: And so that's how I learned from the God. It's like, oh, what's present for you at the moment? And I'm like, and then, you know, we, we talk to, we talk to listen. We, we talk, not to interject, like, oh, if I was you, I would do this. I would do that. No, listen. We like, okay, what's present for you? And you just listen.

[00:35:32] Felicia: That's what sometimes people, one, listen, they want somebody to hear them. That's all. Just listen and let 'em get 'em out. And then if they ask you for advice or information, then you offer it. You know? So I learned that being in these settings like that with, with sisterhood, know what's present for you.

[00:35:49] Felicia: And listen. 

[00:35:52] Nicole: Very. That's a Yeah, very much so. A lot of people don't listen this day and age, or they're listening and they're listening with the thoughts, running [00:36:00] through their head of like how they, what their response is gonna be. Yes. So that, so instead of truly being present and listening to what you're saying.

[00:36:06] Felicia: Yes. Mm-hmm. And what providers did that? Like, I know they gotta do, they gotta think about the next patient and putting this lab in all that. Now, how could we ask them to actually listen and they have like, oh, let me get three patients in within an hour. You know? So are they actively listening to us?

[00:36:21] Felicia: No, they, they can't do it. So it's like figuring out these systems, ecosystem to allow people to be heard and to like somebody to listen back and forth. 

[00:36:33] Nicole: Mm-hmm. So what, what is it that made you choose to share your story with MoMMAs Voices? I feel like. Yeah, there are other platforms out there you could just keep doing like, on social media and things like that.

[00:36:47] Nicole: But like why, why MoMMAs Voices? 

[00:36:50] Felicia: Oh, 

[00:36:50] Nicole: wow. 

[00:36:50] Felicia: Because MoMMAs, okay. So it, it just fell. It just like a, I don't even know how, I don't even know how it landed here. I, I really don't know. I know it's the, it's the thing they [00:37:00] say the thing you're seeking and seeking you type of thing. Mm-hmm. And so I, I don't even know how I land in this space, but what I know is that how, however, I landed with MoMMAs Voices, they kinda like.

[00:37:11] Felicia: Pick me up and I'm just doing this metaphorically. That's how I feel. Oh, you know what we're gonna teach you. We're gonna teach you how to share your story, so you're gonna help others. Nobody's doing that like training. It's like training gives people confidence. You know, I, I know people can go on the whim and just, oh yeah, I could say that.

[00:37:29] Felicia: I could do that. I could speak, but really training and preparing people. Helps them have confidence to share. They might not wanna share everything, and they might be, they trained to like, you know what, like you said what's, what do you wanna talk about? And I'm like, okay, wow, you gave me free range.

[00:37:44] Felicia: You know, I'm gonna talk about everything, you know, but some people are like, oh, not this part hurts. I'm not gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. But MoMMAs voice is kinda like, I landed there and I'll tell you, I honestly don't remember how I landed with MoMMAs Voices. I don't remember. Like I just remember landing here and they just kind of wrapped [00:38:00] me in their arms and they say, here, tell your story.

[00:38:03] Felicia: We're gonna teach you, we're gonna prepare you. We never gonna throw you out there. We going, like you said, we going check and you gonna fly. And ever since then I have been very like mindful to whenever I feel my voice to be heard, I'm going to do it. When I wanted to do this, I was just fresh off of coming back from the women's retreat with the God's Wisdom Council and they were the women, I tell you, were in pain.

[00:38:25] Felicia: I was fresh coming back from Costa Rica, and I said on the last day, I said, let me, let me apply. Let me see if I can do this. I, I didn't really want to. I really, but I knew that it was necessary. And then I was reminded when I went in the circle of women who have motherhood stories similar to mine, similar to my losses, everything.

[00:38:44] Felicia: So I was like, okay, I need to do this. So MoMMAs voice is, is like, like. The mama. The mama. It is the mama. It's the mama of Voices. And that's why I tell my, so it, I just fell into it and they, and [00:39:00] they, and they embraced me and they taught me. And now I feel like the more I tell my story, I'm, I'm not there yet where I like, oh sure, I can tell this and that I'm still, you know, but I feel confident.

[00:39:11] Felicia: And so that's why. I, I would tell anybody about this platform. I have shared this platform and I'll continue to do so. 'cause most time people don't listen when you tell 'em about the platform and they like, what, what? You get that? I'm like, I told you MoMMAs Voices. So it's kind of like let me just keep telling the story and then they'll, they'll pick up for anyone that needs help.

[00:39:29] Felicia: So we have safer birth and then we are not statistics. We are survivors and we are thriving type of thing. Mm-hmm. Yes. Is that too much? I 

[00:39:39] Nicole: just go on and on. No, you're great. I'm like, we're we have, we're I'm gonna wrap up. I'll ask you one last question. Okay. So, somebody who is just starting, or they're considering, starting with MoMMAs voice of sharing their story and they're scared, oh, what piece of advice would you give to them?

[00:39:55] Felicia: I would tell them you are not alone. And do it, do it afraid [00:40:00] because sharing your voice. Will impact future generations. And this, I'm not exaggerating, it will affect, it will impact the kids you have or the kids, kids or whatever, whatever it takes. If you don't see the growth now, it will eventually harvest.

[00:40:15] Felicia: And it's important to have more stories, mother's Voices in these spaces, I would tell 'em just do it. Do it afraid. Don't second guess it. We we, one thing about mothers, we have a deep. Knowing and intuition that we, that's the thing that we have been denied in our, in, in our childbirth. Like, oh, I know this is what I'm feeling.

[00:40:36] Felicia: But the doctor said, no, that's not it. But we know that. We know that we know. So when you have that deep intuition feeling, don't doubt it. Go for it and tell it fray you it. It will open something up. It will open something up within you. And then also it will also help bless others and plant the seeds for our future moms.

[00:40:54] Felicia: Moms to be. And the babies. And the babies. Babies and all that. So I would tell 'em, do it. Do it fray. [00:41:00] Do it afraid. Yes. All right. Yeah. Well, thank you, Felicia, for joining us today. Thank you on this new episode of Power MoMMAs Voices podcast, and I'm glad we got a chance to talk and for me to learn more about your story and all the great things that you're doing.

[00:41:17] Felicia: Thank you so much, Nicole, for having me in MoMMAs Voices. It's my pleasure and I hope to be in this space again. Thank you. And to all the mother out there listening, do it afraid. Thank you. Thank you.