Nicole: [00:00:00] Well welcome Autumn to our, today's today's episode, episode of The Power of MoMMAs Voices podcast.

Nicole: We're in season two, where we are talking with our patient family partners, our people with lived experience and really giving them an, an opportunity to share their voice and their experience to the general public and, and what that looks like. And so Autumn, it's great to see you here today.

Autumn: Thanks to having me. 

Nicole: Thank you for joining us. Yes. Yeah. So we always like to kind of start with thinking of if only if someone only listens to the first five minutes of this, what is one thing you want them, like you wanna make sure that they take away from today. 

Autumn: Sure. Yeah. I think like being asked that question, I, I think.

Autumn: Knowing maybe who's listening to this, there's a couple different things. If I pick one thing, you know, I think to the lay population, I would say, you know, it's okay to say you're not okay. I think regardless of who you are what, no matter what your socioeconomic status, no matter what your education, you know, race, religious beliefs, whatever, it doesn't [00:01:00] matter.

Autumn: Everyone has a struggle, and it's okay to say sometimes that you need help and you're not okay. The other group of folks that I just wanted to talk to was the healthcare workers coming into this as a nurse. Something that really stuck out to me through my journey is that someone once said to me is, stop checking boxes and start checking people.

Autumn: So just sit down, listen to your patients, treat 'em as a person, not a 15 minute appointment or getting the things done that you need to get done at the hospital. So I think for the two different populations, those are really. If you take anything away, that's what I want you to remember. So, 

Nicole: and it's so hard to do that.

Nicole: Like, I have such sympathy for healthcare providers 

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Currently because our, our systems, our structures aren't built 

Autumn: Yeah. That 

Nicole: way. 

Autumn: No, I agree. 

Nicole: It's volume. Agree. It's volume. And so it's really hard to, to talk about slowing down and, and to take that extra time and to be thoughtful and that interaction.

Nicole: Yeah. When it's like how many people would have to get through today. Yeah. Type of thing. So it's, it's really, it's hard and [00:02:00] I have just heartfelt compassion for 

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: For folks in your line of work 

Autumn: Yeah. That 

Nicole: are out there doing the good things. 

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: So we'll talk about like your, your pregnancy experience and that for in a minute.

Nicole: But I wanted to talk about your journey to being a maternal health advocate and what that has looked like for you. What, what, what does it look like? What's your journey been like as you've been more and more involved? 

Autumn: Yeah. Yeah, you know, it, I became a nurse and went into maternal house. You know, never thinking that I would end up.

Autumn: You know, doing this kind of advocacy work essentially because of an experience that I had. But you know, I think from my experience at the hospital, which we'll probably talk about in a minute. You know, I, I was asked to participate in something through the state of Illinois. I did that and then someone was like, you know, I think you would really make a great patient family partner through MoMMAs Voices.

Autumn: And I'm like, I've heard of this program, but never did I think that I would do something like this or that I could share my story, you know, in these [00:03:00] avenues. 'cause I didn't think my story was bad enough. I didn't think my situation was that bad, especially being a nurse and seeing what I see. Like I, I went home healthy.

Autumn: I took a baby home, right? Like I shouldn't feel these things that I felt. So it's been a really neat, I think really participating in that project, having a a coworker who was like, I think you would make a great, you know. PFP and like moving forward with sharing your story in public spaces. It's really been a motivating experience for me and also very healing.

Autumn: It's something I never expected. I'll say the, the evolution of this. So. 

Nicole: Because in sharing, like being a nurse too, I mean so much, you're like, you're an advocate in a way for your patients and things like that. And and this is like, it's very different. It's putting on a different hat. 

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: If you will.

Nicole: And so. Being open and vulnerable. We talk about being brave and sharing,

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Our stories. And so I'm glad that you found us. I'm glad that you had a coworker that knew about us and, [00:04:00] and gave you the, the nudge to Yeah. Yeah. To take that, to take that leap of faith if you, if you would consider it that.

Nicole: Yeah. What what with your pregnancy journey do you wanna share with us? 

Autumn: So, I mean, I can share, you know, I was young. We had our first daughter, you know, I had my second daughter. Then shortly after, both super easy, simple pregnancies. Got pregnant with my third. I was a little shocked, you know, it's not like I didn't know how that happens being a maternal health nurse, but I was a little shocked that we were pregnant with our third already.

Autumn: So during the pregnancy, I already could tell I was having some emotions. Like I wasn't super happy, I was really scared about the pregnancy. I ended up, you know, talking to my OB and I was like, I think I need meds or something. Like, I was just, I don't wanna get dressed in the morning. You know, like the little things that I'm like, I think I'm starting to notice signs of depression already during the antepartum period.

Autumn: So I was on medications for depression during the pregnancy. Everything else was fine. And then, you know, I was working as a nurse night [00:05:00] shift on labor and delivery and kind of everything hit the fan and I ended up having to have a crash c-section for my son. I was 38 weeks. So I had a crash section under general while I was at work, you know, to deliver my baby.

Autumn: And, you know, on top of that right now. You know, I have this like rough recovery after that, obviously having my first section with my third baby now I had three kids under three. And then there was a lot of depression after that and just. PTSD that I wasn't really sure what I was feeling, or, and this is where all the things started developing.

Autumn: Like, can I feel this? Like, I brought a baby home. I'm fine. He's fine. Right? Like, and that's where it all kind of started evolving. We wanted a bigger family. And then after that we were like, I don't know, like if we, I can do that again. You know, and everything like that. We ended up, I switched to a high risk doctor.

Autumn: We switched doctors, which was you know, I worked with them and they were like, we understand why you need to switch. And we ended up having a fourth a couple years later. It was my biggest gap between kids and I'll tell you what, my fourth delivery was my [00:06:00] most beautiful delivery. It was so calm.

Autumn: There was hardly anybody in the room. It was awesome, but it took a lot of healing, right? To get to that place, to be able to have our fourth and our final. And you know, I joke you know, there's a reason our fourth is last. 'cause he, he's a little busy guy. So yeah. Then, then that's kind of. My story related to that.

Autumn: And then now this has evolved into a whole area of healing and sharing my story in public avenues now. So well, I mean, that's 

Nicole: a lot. Having three under three Yeah. Of itself is a lot. 

Autumn: Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Having a crash c-section is a lot. Were you on shift like you were working? 

Autumn: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: Yeah, so it's, it's kind of funny, like I, you know, I went to labor and I was like, I was working at the OB ed, like the OB triage and I was like, you know what?

Autumn: I'm just contracting every now and then. I might as well work. You might as well labor and get paid. So I was like, just kept working, you know? Then I'd go in the hallway and I'd be like, taking deep breaths, leaning against the wall, and finally the charge nurse, she's like, Autumn, I think it's time you gotta [00:07:00] be done, you know?

Autumn: She's like, I think you need to clock out. So I was like, all right, you know, I'll be done. And I was gonna leave work 'cause like, you know. Any l and d nurse, I wasn't prepared. I didn't have bags packed, you know, anything like that. Like I just came to work. And they're like, you know, we should probably do a exam, like a vaginal exam before you leave just to see how far dilated you are.

Autumn: 'cause my other deliveries were fast, so they checked me and they're like, you're three to four with a bulging bag, like you probably shouldn't leave the hospital. So I was like, all right, I'll stay. You know. Then I went in the shower and shortly after, like right after I outta the shower, that's when everything like hit the fan.

Autumn: But, it's kind of a crazy whirlwind of story, you know, so, 

Nicole: oh, thank goodness for that charge nurse. 

Autumn: Yeah, I know, I know. I'd tell them like, thank you for making me stay. 'cause I don't know, my outcome probably would've been a lot different if I would've left, you know? I could have been driving home and all this hit the fan by myself, you know?

Autumn: So it was such a blessing, you know, that [00:08:00] they, you know, all the stars have aligned, you know, now that I look back, but. 

Nicole: And it's like laughing. I mean with you, I hope Yeah. That you're like working. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna make some money and keep clocking in and taking care of people while I'm over here having contractions.

Nicole: I can't even imagine. 

Autumn: But nurse nurses aren't great patients. 

Nicole: Stop that. That part was going through my head, but you said that not me. Yeah. And, and just thinking of like, but thank goodness. But thank goodness you did that that day. Oh my gosh. Right. And then to have like later on a redemptive delivery, just, 

Autumn: it was awesome.

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: Did you have any, like you said you had struggled with like anxiety or depression and antepartum. Prenatally

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: With your third pregnancy, what did you do between that and the fourth one to like, what support did you get to 

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Get to that place where you had that calm redemptive. 'cause it's hard.

Nicole: Yeah. That next pregnancy. [00:09:00]

Autumn: I don't know. And I can say this now, you know, now that my fourth son is six, it's like, I don't know that I was fully healed before we had our fourth. You know, all my kids, my other kids were 17 or 17 months, 18 months apart. So I was like, I can't have a big gap. But I could, I just felt like then and there, I can't have a big gap, like mentally.

Autumn: I just, I don't know where this expectation I thought was coming from, which I could have. Right. But I think in between there was a, you know, I, I didn't know it was kind of wishy walky, wasy back and forth, so that's why like I switched obs, you know, talked to them about it. I said like what I wanted it was something that.

Autumn: I think back and I really had to advocate for myself about things that I wanted. Thinking back to, no one really knew how bad I was struggling with the depression. You know, people fill out those edenberg scales in their obs office. They fill 'em out in the pediatrician's office and things like that.

Autumn: I mean, it's not rocket science when you fill out edenberg, like [00:10:00] what the right answers are, right. In quotes. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: Because if you don't wanna admit that you're struggling, it's very obvious what to say if you're not ready to seek help. And quite frankly, I don't wanna tell my PE kids' pediatrician that.

Autumn: Like I, I'm not feeling well mentally, right? Like, what are they gonna do about it in my mind, right? So from there on out, there was some struggling with like, well, who do I look to for support? You know, it, it was awkward because I think everyone assumed I was fine. You know, I, I'm a nurse. I, at that point, I had my master's, I, I was teaching as a professor.

Autumn: I was working on the weekends, right? Like I was doing well in life, I guess you could say. Right? Like Autumn can't be struggling, she's fine. But I think there was, everyone was so busy. Including myself, which I think was my way of healing. Just keep going, keep going, keep going. Get on this hamster wheel, which I think our whole culture is in, right?

Autumn: Like stay busy, stay busy, stay busy, and then you don't have to think about what you're struggling with. And I think that was my way of coping with the pain was [00:11:00] I'm just gonna work a ton, right? I'm gonna do all these extra things to keep me busy so I don't have to sit and like feel my feelings. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm.

Autumn: So, but then I started realizing like this, this isn't normal. What I'm feeling. And I, so many people would be like, oh. And I'm like, how do you do it? You do it all. And then in my mind I'm like, but I don't want to do it all. Like, I'm tired. You know? Hmm. So I started seeking out some help. You know, my husband was super supportive.

Autumn: My kids were so little, so he was really supportive. It was hard because like, I wanted to go to therapy. Okay. But if I go to therapy now, that's another hour away from my kids, right? Where I'm spending an hour just on myself. So it was like, I feel like I'm being selfish, you know, I'm gonna spend more of my time away from my family, which I didn't want to do.

Autumn: But I will say that was honestly one of the best things. But I don't, it's not necessarily just fi finding a therapist because. Not everyone jives, right? Like, I think finally now, more recently I found an awesome therapist who, her and I work well together. She has a lot of things [00:12:00] besides just talk therapy, like hypnotherapy.

Autumn: I tried EMDR, it didn't work for me. Hypno was better. But like not all therapists are gonna work for you and that's okay. You know, to admit that. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: So therapy, you know, my church other things that I found was running physical activity has been a huge healer for me. And I found that what works for one doesn't work for all.

Autumn: So like someone, you know, I tried journaling, journaling's not my thing. And, but maybe for someone else that's healing. So for me it's more running, being outside you know, tho doing those sorts of things which are healing. And everybody kind of has to find their own. So it was also too like trial and error.

Autumn: What works for you to heal 

Nicole: mm-hmm. 

Autumn: Doesn't work for everybody. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: So I think those were the main avenues that I sought out. Support in between. And then moving into the delivery of my fourth, as I kind of said earlier, it was like planning, right? Like, what did I want? I didn't want a lot of people in the room.

Autumn: I didn't want people yelling, I didn't like the slamming of doors, instruments, clanging around. All that really reminded me of the or. So we talked through all [00:13:00] that. The staff knew, I mean, they were all my friends. I, you know, delivered with all my friends for my fourth so I think it was just a lot of planning and advocating for myself and not being fearful of like, well, these are things that I want or I think will help me deal with this delivery better.

Autumn: I felt like I was able to use my voice a little bit more. So it's kinda how we got to delivery of our fourth, I would say. 

Nicole: What, and we talk about things with things helped. Were there things that Yeah. Didn't help. That hurt? Yeah. 

Autumn: Mm-hmm. I think one of the things that I really struggled with, and I still think this is like a little point of contention, is just being put on meds right away.

Autumn: I just, I think that unfortunately there's such a lack of resources out there around perinatal mental health that like no one knew what to do when I was like, I'm struggling. Part of the guilt is on me as well, where I was like, I need something to fix me because this hurts and I want it to go away, so can we just try meds?

Autumn: And we tried pills, medications, and it just like was not working. [00:14:00] So I actually started doing a bunch of research on like SSRIs and depression medications and learning more about them. And I was like, you know, I need to make other changes first before to make me better because I'm now, I'm taking these pills but doing other things that are contradicting them.

Autumn: So some things I started thinking about, what can I do to make myself better? 'cause no one else can make me better, right? So.

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: One of the things you know, the running was huge. I actually started running marathons. I'm training for my sixth marathon. So that was a huge Wow. I mean, and it, it's time again, right?

Autumn: But that's my mental health. Like, I love just being outside for three hours, going for a run, right? Running was huge. Other thing too that I looked at was like diet. So no more alcohol. I don't drink anymore. I haven't drank for about eight months. So staying sober. Thinking about, I eat gluten-free now, no more food dies.

Autumn: So I've really tried to look at what am I consuming to make my body better. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: I am also quite religious, so getting involved in my church, having like a mentor from [00:15:00] church has also been a, a huge help. But I, and I, and I don't take any medication anymore, so I don't take medication for depression, anxiety.

Autumn: I was taking meds to sleep as well. And now since I've made these changes for myself, I don't take anything. But I wanna say that was saying like, it's not easy. It wasn't like, you know, one day of exercising and diet changes and I was like, oh, I'm sleeping great. I feel awesome. And I still have my days, right?

Autumn: Where I'm like, Ugh, I don't feel like brushing my teeth this morning. I don't wanna do my hair. You know what I mean? Where it's like, okay, but no one else is gonna do this for me. So if I wanna keep getting better, I have to do the hard work. Which some days does feel like putting my clothes on and going to the gym.

Autumn: Right. That's the hard work some days, and that's okay. 

Nicole: Mm-hmm. 

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: I love that. So many like different options and things to consider and, and I like that, like trial and error as well. Yeah. You gotta figure out what works for you and, and glad that you did find the things that are working for you and, and what's the gap between [00:16:00] the number three and four, 

Autumn: two years?

Nicole: Two years. Yeah. And you were pressuring yourself like 18 months to two years. Oh God. Oh my gosh, girl. 

Autumn: I know, I know. And you know, I, I think the hard thing is like, you know, it might be the culture that I grew up into, it was just like, have kids have kids have kids, right. So it was hard to, and having three close together, it's like I can't have like one outlier, which I could have.

Autumn: Right, right. But I think it was just this expectation that I put on myself, you know? 

Nicole: My cousins and I. I have 11 months behind one cousin, and then the next one's 11 months behind me. And then they were like, okay, looking at my mom, like, you're turning again. And she's like, yeah, no,

Nicole: right. We're gonna wait a little bit more. Someone's gotta stop the cycle, 

Nicole: right? Yeah. That's funny. So, oh gosh, that's, it's still pretty close. I mean, yeah. You know? Yep. And I think a, a lot of, I've been talking to somebody else about just like social media as a brand new form of peer [00:17:00] pressure that we dealt with when we were younger in school.

Nicole: Right. And it's like having to constantly remind myself that those are highlight reels and it's not always reality. And a hundred percent I am not trying to compete with anybody else. Like I don't care. Yes. What you think of me and, and honestly, I'm not even really, I'm on there for the jokes. I'm not on there for like the mom stuff.

Nicole: Like bring me the cat videos that give me like, oh, okay, I'm the dopamine addict there, right? Like I need the cat videos. The dog videos a 

Autumn: good meme 

Autumn: every now and then. 

Nicole: Yeah. Yes. The goats running over the kids like whatever it is. Like bring those on. I'm here for 'em. Yeah. So but you know, it's funny you say that, you know, '

Autumn: cause like during some of that, I actually deleted all my social media.

Autumn: I, I don't have Instagram anymore, so I completely roved that and I deleted Facebook and then I was like, shoot, like I am missing stuff from my kid's school, right? Like, I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm missing things. 'cause so much is you know, relayed through Facebook. But yeah, I think too, [00:18:00] just being cognizant.

Autumn: Using social media as well, like for those who do struggle with anxiety, depression and stuff like that. It does not, does not help all the time, you know? 

Nicole: No, definitely not. I'm on Instagram, but I think I have like five people that know who I am on there and I'm, I'm great with it. Like, I never post. Yep.

Nicole: Yeah. I'm just here for funny videos. 

Autumn: Right. 

Nicole: But it's, it is something to be aware of too. It's something else that's like, I think we do you were talking earlier about like. Just not talking about things and not dealing with it. It made me think of a couple things. One was like sitting on a stuffed suitcase and trying to get the sucker to zip.

Nicole: And the other is, I don't know if you're old enough to know, like the old jack in the boxes Really like cranky deal. Yeah. And all of a sudden it like, get it explode, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like that's what we do. We just stuff it in the box. We're gonna sit on it and try to leave it there and, and then it does explode.

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: Or it can. 

Autumn: Yeah, and that's really like, you know, my, my therapist really quick just thinking of that. You know, she talked about like, when I first started doing [00:19:00] this and she's like, Autumn, it's okay to have feelings, you know, and like understanding that like it's okay to just sit and feel your feelings and like.

Autumn: No. Regardless of what those are, it's okay to just like try to name them and verbalize like why you're feeling what you're feeling and sometimes you don't know, but I think that's hard. Or this jack in the box or on this hamster wheel. Just go, go, go, go, go. Where like sometimes it's like I don't even know what I'm feeling 'cause I'm so busy I can't even process.

Autumn: Right. Like what's going on? So 

Nicole: distracting. 

Autumn: Yep. Yep. Trying to distract ourselves. 

Nicole: We're really 

Autumn: good at that as. 

Nicole: Working moms and doing, trying to do all the things. 

Autumn: Yep. And then we blow. Right. So 

Nicole: I'm, 

Autumn: I, I'm 

Nicole: a tea, like stop. Right. I'm a tea kettle. I will blow. Yep. Not necessarily healthy. I know, I know. My my limits saved.

Nicole: How has this changed? Like how you care for patients? 

Autumn: Hmm. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Autumn: It's funny you say that because you know, I really think. [00:20:00] Now I've stepped away from the bedside and I do a lot more. I'm a do OB education. I participate in some of our state initiatives and stuff like that, and I really think it's made me more cognizant from the patient side of like trying to push more of like how we're doing what we're doing.

Autumn: You know, I worked bedside during the second surge of COVID and it really, it really has made me think about even just like my nonverbal behavior, like. Not rushing in the room talking to the patient, but looking at my computer, like really sitting down, looking at them eye to eye, trying to understand like, what are your priorities?

Autumn: What's important to you? How are you feeling? Do you understand everything that's going on? I do think it has made me a lot more sympathetic towards patients in slowing down. And yeah, it takes me longer to maybe do their admission or it takes me longer to. Do whatever. But I think it's so, so important for them because especially as a labor and [00:21:00] delivery nurse, you know, what does everyone think about when they're pregnant?

Autumn: It's, it's that birth of their baby. Like everyone hyper focuses on that, that delivery, right? Like those hours that they're gonna be in the hospital where there's so much more to it. I think, you know, everyone comes in with a birth plan, whether it's on a pink or blue piece of paper, spritz with perfume.

Autumn: Everyone has a birth plan mentally. So it's like asking patients, like, even if they don't have a birth plan, like what are your goals and trying to meet those for the patient. Because sometimes if one thing doesn't go as expected, it can be very traumatic for them, and trauma is different. It's in the eye of the beholder.

Autumn: So what's traumatic for one person can be very different from the next. So it's really made me think about. Everything that I'm doing because that is one day to that patient that they've spent hours contemplating. I am sure. Right. And to me it might be every day. So like when I talk to staff about something like this, I'm like, this is every day to you, but it's one day to a patient and everything you say and everything you do has a [00:22:00] huge impact on them for the rest of their life.

Autumn: And I don't think I fully grasped that until I had. My crash section where realizing like I was having flashbacks and hearing things and smelling things where you don't realize like you're, everything that you do, what you say and what you do has a huge impact. So it's really made me think about what I'm saying, how I'm saying it.

Autumn: My nonverbal communication takes me longer to do stuff. It does, you know, 'cause I don't, I'm not meeting those time goals necessarily all the time. But I think it's such a valuable thing for that relationship and the trust with the patients. 

Nicole: We talk a lot. We've been talking a lot about like what are the things that build trust with patients.

Nicole: Mm-hmm. We've been working on some projects and, you know, trauma-informed care is a hot topic right now and it's coming up a lot. And we talk about. You know, really informed consent and what that looks like as well. And so that patients understand what all their options are, the pros and cons and benefits of each thing.

Nicole: And [00:23:00] it's, it takes time to do that. But having them be a part of their care plan. And so I love, I love those things that you're saying, and I think that the. Clinical people that are, are listening to this hopefully can take some of those things and, and hear them and maybe talk about them with their coworkers or colleagues, their teams as well to help out because it's, it's really easy to get.

Nicole: Lost in the, like, what's the next thing we have to do? What's the next patient? What's the algorithm say? What are the protocols? What are, you know, what are the numbers and the stats and the data that we have to put out. And so when we, we focus so much on the outcome part of it that we lose track of the experience.

Autumn: Yep. 

Nicole: And, having some, spending some time to, to think about and consider what the experience is for the person. 'cause you're right, it can have lifelong impact on a person, on, on what that does to them. And so the other thing I also [00:24:00] say too, a lot is, is explaining, understanding the expectations fully.

Nicole: Yeah. When people don't know what to expect, their mind comes up with stuff, their mind's gonna fill in the blanks. Yeah. And, and then that's a lot of the times where trauma starts to breed and grow and, and develop there. And so if the right expectations can be set, then when reality comes along hopefully they're close enough that we're not creating trauma as much as we can.

Nicole: I know there's some things that just can't be helped in a crisis case, but yeah. Talking to people and, and how we treat them as human beings

Autumn: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: Is a place that we can, we can work on mitigating trauma. 

Autumn: Yep. A hundred percent.

Nicole: Was there a moment that you felt particularly seen or heard through your journey? I know like the charge nurse caught you, your attention.

Autumn: Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: And she maybe heard you more than you heard yourself in that moment. But is there, outside of that, is there something where you were vocalizing symptoms [00:25:00] or warning signs when someone really took a moment to hear you? 

Autumn: You know, I think that. The, when I, when I think about that kind of question, it makes me think more about after the first time that I actually shared my story publicly.

Autumn: Because I think pretty quickly I knew something was wrong. Started like not sleeping, you know, having the night terrors, all that kind of stuff. Like I, I knew something was wrong and I was able to get the help pretty fast, thankfully. But I don't think it was till after I shared my story for the first time.

Autumn: I actually presented at a one national it was in 2022. And it was a room full of nurses. I was super freaked out. Which I'm like, now looking back, I'm like, these were my people, right? Like I, I should not have been scared, but I was super nervous 'cause it was just severely vulnerable. This was my first time saying what I felt or what my experience was like.

Autumn: And afterwards, like thinking about it now too, it makes [00:26:00] me teary eyed because I can't tell you how many people came up to me after that. Or sent me messages on LinkedIn or emailed me or something like that and was just like, thank you for sharing your story. I had similar experiences with depression and anxiety.

Autumn: It's really made me think about how I'm taking care of patients where I really didn't think that my story mattered that much. Like, you know, as I said earlier in the podcast, like, I took a baby home, I went home. Where, you know, I working at the level three that I work at, like that wasn't always the case, right?

Autumn: So for me, I was like, my story isn't that big of a story. And now thinking back I'm like, it is a big story. It's a story, you know, of overcoming redemption, all these sorts of things. But I think it was after speaking at that national conference that I really realized like, okay, this is real, this happened.

Autumn: I'm on the other side of things. I have a ton of work to do. And still every day I'm trying to do a ton of work on myself. But it really made me feel like, yes, my [00:27:00] story matters. This did happen. But now what can we do with it? Right to. Make it better for other nurses or patients. Really was, was the goal of that.

Autumn: So I think it was being seen or heard by my nursing folks, right? Like all my friends that were there. I then presented at a few other conferences too, and it was like similar experiences where people were just like shocked. Resonated with it. And then they're like, I need to get, I need to get better too.

Autumn: And I'm like, we can all do this together. You know? If we can just change the tra trajectory of like where healthcare is going, what nursing, what our profession is, you know, how we treat patients we can make this change. And I think that's when I finally started realizing like, not that it was one person, but it was probably everybody at those conferences, right.

Autumn: That I had spoken to. So. And that's been really motivating, right? 'cause it's like once you share your story publicly, publicly, right? People reach out to you. They, they wanna know what you did, what you're doing. And it's motivating to keep moving forward, you know? So 

Nicole: it's, it's nice. We've been like [00:28:00] reflecting lately, we've been doing a lot of work in Texas.

Nicole: This is where I'm at. And sepsis. Okay. And oh yeah. Sepsis is not my story, but I'm there to help them with like their patient engagement and, and what respectful care looks like. And man, we've been doing work in Texas now for six years, I think. And, and some of the people, some of the patient family partners that are coming with me right now to talk about their sepsis journey have been.

Nicole: With me since we started going to Texas meetings in 2019, when we were sitting in the room, we were like, we have no idea what the hell PY means. Sure. I have no idea who these people are. I like the guy that's on stage that says, don't, he says, just, just treat the pressures. Yeah. Just treat the damn pressures, you know, we love that part, but like otherwise we have no clue what's going on.

Nicole: And now to see like how patients are just so embraced. And brought into the projects and they're, they're able to see too. Like it doesn't always look at it from the outside that progress is happening, but progress is happening. Like change is happening and sometimes it's really hard to see that or [00:29:00] measure it.

Autumn: Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: But you can feel it. And if you've been around, like you can come into the room and see like, yes. Yeah. And I see it happening so Well, that's what, like, you look at it's, look, 

Autumn: you look at these maternal statistics and it's like, it can be so deflating, right? Like, you look at these things, but it's like, there, there's so much good.

Autumn: Like when you look at these initiatives across the states, what they're doing when you, you know, go into a unit and see how these nurses are taking care of patients, it's like, it's not all bad, right? We just hyperfocus on like these bad numbers and it's hard to put a number on, like, you know, maybe the, the sepsis, right?

Autumn: Like the near misses, right? Where they catch sepsis early, right? Like it's hard to sometimes identify those good things that are happening. So. 

Nicole: Now they're having big warning 

Nicole: flags with sepsis. Like the 

Nicole: numbers are gonna get worse before they get better. Yeah, yeah. Like your incident rate's gonna go up because you're, you're recognizing it.

Nicole: Yeah. We're looking at what the near misses are. This the morbidity. Numbers are That's awesome. You want those to get better. Right. And so I, and, and, and it's, it's really easy as a lay person to look at the stats and be like, [00:30:00] oh my gosh. Yeah. Like, what is happening in that one county? Why are their numbers and sepsis so bad?

Nicole: Is there something in the water? Like, my family lives there, they need to move. No, no. They've just been doing this for longer. Right, right. Exactly. There's, there's always a story. Behind the data. And so yeah, some of you know what we do is to connect the face and the heart to the data as well to help understand what some of that looks like and why it's like that.

Nicole: Yeah, 

Autumn: no, I app- I appreciate that. 'cause it's like, even too, looking at maternal mortality reports, it's like talking to some of the fam, you know, we've done things where we've talked to family members of things like that and it, it. It personalizes it more, which is why like, I appreciate, you know, the patient family partner role, like you're getting people's voices out there versus just these numbers that we read each, each and every, each and every year, right?

Autumn: So,

Nicole: mm-hmm. 

Nicole: So you you got nudged by a colleague to share your story, to get involved in MoMMAs voices, but like, it's real easy to, [00:31:00] you know, go to the website, get an email, you get a code, and you get in the training, but then, eh. Yeah. What, what, what made you choose to, you know, really share your story and complete that training?

Autumn: Yeah, I think. I was so inspired or motivated by all of these nurses and patients that have reached out to me after sharing my story. I did this storytelling project through the state of Illinois. I think it was in 2022. It was like right before I presented at a one. We finalized it, so it was 2021 and 2022, and.

Autumn: I didn't realize how much healing I had yet to do. Like that really was like, oh, I still have a lot of healing. Not even just for my delivery, but other things too prior to that I hadn't like mentally handled or dealt with. And I think it really pushed me to move forward with my healing journey even more.

Autumn: But then sharing my story and seeing people's responses at those conferences, I was like, okay, but now what? [00:32:00] Right, like now that I've done this storytelling project, now that I've shared my story a couple times, like what do we do? What do I do from here on out? Like I wanna be part of a bigger change. I wanna be part of a group of bigger people to make a difference.

Autumn: And that's when like my one coworker was like, here's what you could do next. Right? And that was like the PFP program. And I was like, I don't know if I have time for that. You know what I mean? And then it was kind of funny 'cause the storytelling project I did through the state of Illinois, they actually were like, we'll help you guys go through.

Autumn: Because I was part of the first cohort of these storytellers. They're like, we'll help put you guys through the patient family partner program if you're willing to take it. And I was like, all right, well if this isn't the sign from the Lord, I don't know what is right. Because now I've like just had someone nudge me and then this other project I was part of was like, you should do it.

Autumn: So it was kind of like, what can I do to make my voice or this issue louder to have more of a positive impact? And that's kind of how move forward with this. [00:33:00] What would you say to someone that's like just beginning there? Do you have any advice for them? If they're nervous or whatnot? What would you say to a new person?

Autumn: I was nervous. I was scared. I don't know what to expect. It was very vulnerable. You know, I think that the training online. It's fine, right? You do it at your own speed. You can kind of, you know, take things in doses if it's too much, you know, you can do one one day a little bit the next day. And that is self-paced is amazing.

Autumn: You know, but then I know like I would get these emails of like, hey, there's a MoMMAs Voices like event, you know, like come for a drop in call or whatever, and I won't lie, versus like, I'm not going to that. I don't know any of these people, right? Like, this is scary. And I've participated in like a project with you guys as you know, and I've done some of the dropping calls and it is.

Autumn: Such a motivating group of people. There is no judgment. Everyone is there to support each other. Like, what are you doing? What do you need help with? I've had incredible experiences meeting people on the [00:34:00] calls. And yeah, I would say just, just join. Like I, I know it's nerve wracking and a hundred percent but it's like, just get your toes a little wet.

Autumn: You can dabble in certain things. If you don't wanna join a call, you don't have to if you're not feeling it that day. But just there's so many. Even one of the projects I worked with you guys on, like, I never expected, right? That I would get an opportunity to do something like that. So there's a lot of cool avenues that this can lead to.

Autumn: I spoke at like a PQC conference, you know, and just different things that develop from being part of the program. 

Nicole: What would you say to someone that like, feels that they don't have a story? Because you, you've said that like you didn't feel like your, your story was bad enough and, and. That I'm like, it hurts it hard.

Nicole: I, I don't know. Like it just, I want, want people to think that they, they don't have a place. 

Autumn: Yeah. 

Nicole: Here or, or that, so what would you say to someone that, that feels like they don't have a voice that, that story? 

Autumn: Well, and like, you know, I think for [00:35:00] me, I always felt like mine wasn't bad enough because of a nurse and the bad things that I saw.

Autumn: And I'm sure there's people out there who, like, you know, you see stuff on TV or whatever or you hear bad stories, but it's like. Every, everyone has a story and kind of like I said at the beginning, everyone has a story. Everyone. I don't care who you, I care who you are. I don't care what you've been through, what you know, your education status, nothing like that.

Autumn: Everyone is going to have something in their life that is difficult. Just like with trauma too, you know, we talk a lot about like traumas in the eye of the beholder. Everyone, you know, I could be in the same car accident as someone and it could really impact me a whole lot more that it impacts somebody else.

Autumn: Everyone's story is valuable. Everyone's story makes a difference. And I highly encourage, like anyone who is fearful to speak up because as I said, I did not think that mine was. Big enough, right? For lack of better terms. And it has exploded into way more awesome things than I ever could have [00:36:00] imagined.

Autumn: So it can be scary. It's, it's not easy. Telling your story too can bring up a whole lot of other things that maybe you didn't realize. Like when I went to my therapist, she's like, Ooh, you have a lot more to unpack than just the delivery of your third son. And I was like, that I do or of my third child, and it's brought way more healing than I ever thought possible. So I highly, highly encourage anyone to speak up. Everyone's story's valuable. Everyone has a place, and I will say MoMMAs Voices is a hundred percent supportive of whatever your story is. It's welcome here. 

Nicole: Thank you. I, and we've had lots of people over, over time.

Nicole: That was like, I, I don't feel like I had to read someone like, oh, you know, we had. We came home healthy, like we didn't have any problems, we wouldn't have any complications. And to me I'm like, there's so much outside of that. That one particular person I was talking to, I won't, I won't share their story, but he had something, he had something there.

Nicole: And so that's what we do [00:37:00] with help folks that are unsure and think like, I don't really have something. And maybe things went great because yeah. The states have been doing these quality improvement projects. 

Autumn: Mm-hmm. 

Nicole: And they caught the things and they saw the red flags and they took prompt action. 

Speaker 3: Yeah.

Nicole: So like, let's, let's share the successes too. I was gonna say like, those are just as valuable. 

Autumn: Everyone just wants to share the bad things. And like, that's where like, you know, I always say like, did was my third delivery difficult? Yes it was. But I'm gonna tell you what, like my healthcare team did an awesome job.

Autumn: Like there is not another group of people that I would want to take care of me. Like they did amazing. Right. And like, you know, I was able to have a fourth and stuff like that where it's like, I think we just hyper-focus as a society or a culture. Right. On like bad things, bad things, bad things. But it's like you don't have to have a bad story.

Autumn: Like, I wanna hear awesome stories too, right? Like yeah. So I don't think you have to have a bad story to share everyone's story is important. So it is, it is. [00:38:00]

Nicole: Well, I think we've, like, I'm looking at question. We've gotten everything, we've pretty much covered everything. Like how has your, tell us how has it changed how you see yourself?

Nicole: And we've already talked about that. So okay. Then we'll just wrap up. Is there anything else as we're coming to the end of today's podcast that you wanted to share with listeners that maybe we haven't touched on? 

Autumn: I think just, I guess just to wrap up is just, I'll just reiterate what I said at the beginning.

Autumn: Whatever you went through or you're going through, it's okay to say you're not okay. You know, whatever role you're in, whatever education status you have or anything like that, we all have struggles. So please admit that you're not okay, that you're struggling. Spend time learning about yourself. What, what helps you, what is gonna make you feel better?

Autumn: Because as I kind of have already said, like you can't expect. Anyone to fix you right? Fix you. I put in quotes because we, we all have to figure out what works for us. So what works for one might not work for all. So I highly encourage you just admit you're not okay, and talk to somebody like your significant other your [00:39:00] spouse, whoever, it can be your, you know, your doctor, your np that you see, whoever it might be and get the help that you need.

Autumn: And then just for the healthcare staff, again I just please encourage you to. Sit down, look at your patients, try and spend as much time with them. I, I know time is ticking. I know you have a certain amount of time you're allowed to spend with patients and et cetera. But I do just ask, as said it earlier, please check your patient, not just check the checkbox.

Nicole: I think that that's that. Check your patient, not just the checkbox. 

Autumn: Yeah, yeah. Start checking they someone once shared it. I think that's the title of 

Nicole: this podcast.

Autumn: Yeah. Someone once shared with me like. Stop checking boxes and start checking people. Right. So that's the big, I like that. The biggest thing.

Autumn: Yeah. Yeah. 

Nicole: So, oh, well thank you Autumn for your time for joining us. It was great to get to talk to you today and we are excited about this season two of the podcast. It's gonna be fantastic. 

Autumn: Yeah. I can't wait to hear everybody else's story, so it's [00:40:00] gonna gonna be great. 

Nicole: Alright. Thank you. 

Autumn: All right, Nicole.

Autumn: Thanks very much.